Number One

I'm jumping right in. No need to introduce myself being that it is highly unlikely anyone will ever read this. So today I'm contemplating the virtues of being in the dark. I have always been the type of girl that has to play detective. A "snoop" if you will. I want to know the past I want to know the present. I want to know what people think and I want to know what people do. It's voyerism, in a way, and of the worst kind. What do I do when I find something that I can't deal with but to not deal with it is not yet an option for me? I'm left with knowledge that I can't acknowledge, and that sickening feeling of being screwed over but deciding to allow it to happen. And every answer only leads me to a hundred more questions that I cannot ask. He turns in to a stranger, and I can't reconcile him that I know with him that he hides from me. Is the person that I love a fraud? Or is he truly both versions of himself, just not publicly? Not even publicly, but intimately with me. Or is the man I know a lie, wishing he and I were something we are not, and I am just a puppet in an elaborate life facade? I guess I'll never know.